Cupcakes funny version
by llxxRawr its Beansxxll
Summary: I read Cupcakes, and thought it was a little depressing and disturbing. So I made a funny version of it. Or at least, a funnier version. Anything's better than that travesty.
1. Chapter 1

Rainbow Dash headed toward Sugarcube Corner, passing the rush hour traffic on her way. Pinkie had invited her to help her with something extra special, and the blue Pegasus was so loyal that she couldn't refuse to lend her friend a helping hoof.

Upon arriving at Sugarcube Corner, she was scared by Pinkie's sudden appearance in front of her.

"Hi, Dashie! I'm so glad you came! Oh, we're gonna have so much fun!"

"Uh…sure, Pinkie. What exactly did you need help with?"

"I'm so glad you asked! Well, I struggled with the decision all day. I was, like, 'Should I do this?' and 'No, it seems wrong.' But finally, I made up my mind, and decided that I'd give you this."

She held out a Kleenex in her hoof.

"Uh…"

"Go on, sniff it."

"Why…?"

"Puh-lease? Come on, Dashie, you said you'd help."

"How is this helping with anything?"

"You'll see in a minute. Now, come on! Sniff it!"

She held the Kleenex out in her hoof, looking at Pinkie weird, and then finally gave it a sniff.

"What do you think?"

"It's okay...I guess."

"No, no, tell me the details. Does it smell like chloroform to you?"

"Actually, it kind of smells like…"

Rainbow Dash fell down, unconscious on the floor, Pinkie squealing and giggling like a schoolgirl.

She dragged her friend down to the basement, her head thumping on the steps along the way. She then proceeded to strap her to a board, her legs and head being tightly restrained.

"Sorry to do this for you, Dash, but you'll see. It'll all be worth it in the end. I wonder if she'll enjoy it?...None of them have so far. But Rainbow's pretty loyal, maybe she'll still be my friend."

Rainbow slowly woke up and saw the condition she was in. She looked around the room and saw various cutting tools of different shapes and sizes, and a dirty cement wall. She struggled at her restraints, but to no avail. She began to panic and thrash wildly, as she had read the fanfic. She knew what was going on. The normally brave Pegasus couldn't help but burst into tears when she saw Pinkie in front of her.

"Hey, Dashie!"

"Pinkie," she sobbed. "I-I-m sorry if I ever did anything to you…I'm really sorry, just…don't make me into cupcakes, PLEASE!"

"Cupcakes? What are you talking about, Dashie?"

"You…You're going to torture me, mutilate me, then harvest my organs and put them into baked treats. I read the book."

"What?! That's disgusting! Why would I ever do that?!"

"So…you're not gonna…"

"No, of course not, silly. I'm an herbivore. And so is every other pony."

"Oh…thank Celestia, Luna, Cadence, and Twilight!" Rainbow let out a sigh of relief.

"Cupcakes with lots of sugar are great, but pony cupcakes? They would probably taste like bark. No offense."

"None taken."

"Anyway, we're gonna do something much more fun than that!"

"Uh, whatever it is, you don't have to tie me down. I can help you."

"No, you'll…you'll probably freak out again when I tell you."

She began to let anxiety set in again, as she was unsure of Pinkie's motives.

"Are you gonna bake me into muffins, or something?"

"Nope!"

"Brownies?"

"No…It's something I'm gonna do…and we'll both still be living."

"Okay, what is it?"

"Promise not to freak out?"

"I promise, just tell me."

"PINKIE PROMISE!"

"Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."

"Okay, since you Pinkie promised…well, Dashie, since I first saw you, I thought you were the most awesomest pony ever. Like, in the whole world ever."

"Wow, um, thanks, Pinkie," Rainbow said, slightly blushing.

"Oh, the honor is all mine. And last night…I had a dream that really woke me up. I knew I couldn't control my feelings for you anymore."

"Feelings? What are you…"

"So, Dashie, we're not going to be making cupcakes today. You and me…are gonna be making babies!"

"…I'm not following you."

"You know…"

She clopped her hooves together softly and grinned deviously.

"Oh. OH! OH NO! NOT THAT! NOT THAT!"

She struggled wildly, trying desperately to get out.

"Rainbow Dash, you Pinkie promised you wouldn't freak out!"

"Well, I didn't really expect this!"

Pinkie sighed with frustration.

"Well, I guess we'd better get started. I'll get back at you for breaking that Pinkie promise later."

She played some jazz music on her radio and started slowly advancing towards Rainbow Dash, the lust apparent in her blue eyes.

"NO, PINKIE, PLEASE! I'M NOT INTO THIS!"

She seemed to ignore her cries as she came closer with each step.

"NO! NO! NO! NO! MAKE ME INTO CUPCAKES! WHATEVER YOU WANT, JUST NOT THIS!" she screamed, crying.

"Don't worry, Dashie, this will all be over before you know it. You'll see."

Pinkie was right in front of her now.

"So just sit back…"

She pushed the table down and laid Rainbow Dash on her back, looking up at the ceiling.

"…relax…and let Pinkie do the talking."

She began to scream violently as Pinkie pushed her lips against hers. Her tongue explored the inside of Rainbow's mouth, playing with the Pegasus'. She began to calm down after a while, and got into the kiss.

When they finished the sacred lip lock, she looked up at her, redder than Big Macintosh. She was in the middle of a state of shock, confusion, and fear, looking up at her pink friend.

"Tee-hee! You taste a little musty, but you're so soft. What do you think I taste like?"

"...I dunno…Cotton candy?"

"YES! I KNEW IT! Now, let's get started!"

"That wasn't the start?"

"No, that was kind of the prologue. This is the start."

**CENSORED**

Sweetie Belle: Aw, cum on!


	2. Chapter 2

Pinkie took a long drag out of her cigarette as Rainbow lay still on the table, still processing all this information in her brain.

"How was it?" Pinkie asked.

"...Different."

"I knew you'd like it."

"Well...you knew what you were doing, I'll give you that."

There was a long and very awkward silence.

"Listen, Dashie, I'm sorry if you didn't like it. Sometimes, I let my mind get the best of me, and-"

"No, no, it's fine. Um...just being totally honest here, I kind of liked it."

"You did?!"

"Yeah. Let out a lot of emotions back there, I tell you. And, uh, that was my first time."

"Get outta here!"

"No, being totally honest."

"Well...what now?"

"I'm not really sure. Maybe we should be marefriends, or something?"

"Yeah! We could have some sort of secret, forbidden love, or something! I tell you, they'll write books about it!"

"Maybe we can pick up a copy later."

They both chuckled, which led to another bit of silence.

"Uh...can you untie me now? No telling what's on this table."

"Actually, you're pretty tasty, Dashie. I think I might keep you."

"Aw, Pinkie!"

"Naw, I'm just kidding."

She freed Rainbow Dash and watched her trot out the door of the basement.

"And, uh, Pinkie...you remember that part when I was crying?"

"Yeah."

"No, you don't."

She spread her wings and took flight back to her gigantic cloud mansion.


End file.
